[Just as he thought. While he understands why Arakita gets so uncomfortable about hearing details of things that don't involve him, he really hopes that he at least adjusts just a bit. He doesn't want to ruin their relationship by being with Makishima.
Their relationship... Kinjou twines his fingers through Arakita's hair before he drops his hand and pulls it away, looks him straight in the eyes. Arakita noticed. He has to explain, and there's only one thing he can really think of to say first.]
I think I went home. In fact, I'm very sure that I did.
[If he realized there was an actual "their" to relationships that has some kind of label other than "this thing we do sometimes", Arakita would be genuinely surprised. He doesn't think of them as anything more, at least, he solidly states so when Toudou teases him with bite in his words. Raising his eyebrow again with that very notable look to catch his eye, to keep his gaze, Arakita waits - and then plainly blinks.]
Why'd you come back, it's better at home. [Okay, he'd probably be upset if Kinjou disappeared and stayed disappeared, but. It'd be better, wouldn't it? If none of them were here. That also doesn't exactly explain the various scents and the one sticking out like a sore thumb the most.]
I didn't particularly have a choice in the matter. It simply happened.
[He's going to refrain from mentioning whether he wanted to stay or not, and if Arakita asks, he won't answer. That's not a question he wants to hear right now. That's not what he wants to talk about.]
I remember various things, quite a few. Things I did. They were real. And then the next moment I was here in the apartment, in bed. I was wearing different clothes. [He brings a hand up to pat over his chest, smoothing over the shirt he's wearing now.]
It hadn't even passed a minute, but it felt as if I went through a few months of time. I graduated. I was in college.
[It does somewhat explain now, as he talks - that he was gone for a half second and then back, that this world is really .... weird, in that sense. Maybe. Who knows, maybe it was someone's whim to do that after all. Arakita can't quite wrap his mind around it though, at least until Kinjou says he'd graduated.]
... Haah. Congrats then, for college. So you just wanted to let me know you'd learned some new stuff? [No, he doesn't know yet just why Kinjou wanted to talk to him so imminently, but he wonders if it does have to do with his own scent on that shirt he knows he's never seen before.]
[And Kinjou doesn't say anything further. He'd like to tell Arakita, that he's in college with him, that they're a part of a team, that he sees him as far more than he initially did. That he thinks of him as more than just a simple friend now. That he thinks.... there might be something else here, between the two of them. Now that he's gone back and learned things, now that he understands Arakita more, now that he's worked with him and been by his side as a pair, as a duo.
Kinjou takes Arakita by the hand, then turns, wanting to lead him out of the communication room and down the hall, hoping he'll follow.] Come with me. We should sit.
[Tipping his head in a manner that would make those cutesy ears slide if he were wearing them, Arakita flicks his attention down to the hand holding his and his nose flares - he can smell an intention, he can smell that there's going to be a serious talk. So he steels himself and lets Kinjou lead him, moving quietly and ignoring the nagging concerns trying to spring up in the back of his mind.]
[With his senses hardly as sharp as Arakita's, Kinjou can't really sense that anything is wrong, though he does happen to think that maybe, just maybe, something is on Arakita's mind. He's being awfully silent and he hasn't made a single move since he smelled him. He's usually a little more eager to remain in his personal space, especially when it's just the two of them. Kinjou wonders if maybe it has something to do with the fact that he was with Makishima the day before but that's just an assumption.
He hopes he hasn't upset Arakita.
Once they reach the living room Kinjou pulls them to the couch and then takes a seat, tugging Arakita so he can sit right next to him, though he doesn't let go of his hand.]
[Letting Kinjou sit first, then sinking in beside him with that hesitantly curious look still on his face, Arakita lets his eyes drift down to their hands again. Twitching his fingers, then curling them a little more securely into place for just a moment, Arakita breathes in deep and tries to let Kinjou's scent calm him down - it still is warm, it still makes his shoulders sink just a little. It's the looming threat of uncertainty that doesn't let him keep squeezing though, eventually releasing that little grip to wait.]
[Kinjou still doesn't pull away even when he feels Arakita's grip go lax in his hand, and instead he keeps his hand right where it is, allowing Arakita to pull away if he wants to, if he feels like he needs to. He turns in his seat slightly to better face him, then wastes no time in speaking.]
Makishima is moving. He was given a new apartment in the Central Sector of Tanagura. He invited me to live with him, and I accepted.
[No, hold on. Looking from his hand back up to Kinjou, just giving him this look of complete bafflement - this isn't what Arakita thought this talk was going to be about.]
[Ah. So whatever Arakita was thinking, this probably wasn't it.]
Because I would like to be able to live with both of you. [Because something didn't sit well with him in regards to the thought of leaving Arakita behind, no longer having a place of his own to invite him over to, that it'd be just a little more difficult to spend time with him and see him. He thought that he might feel abandoned or ignored, replaced, was worried that Arakita would think he was being left behind for someone else.
He cares for Arakita so much. He has so many different feelings for him, and when he'd spoken to Makishima about the idea, he wasn't opposed.]
Makishima didn't wish to ask Toudou to live with us, and Tadokoro has a pet of his own that we wouldn't have room for. It would be three rooms, one for each of us, which would leave one available.
[But this isn't about filling up an empty room, this isn't just about taking Arakita into the house because he feels like he's obligated to just because of the arrangements he has.]
[Arakita still boggles a bit, even if hearing that Makishima didn't want to invite Toudou irritates him on some backburner level. He still hears what Kinjou is saying though, he knows it's not just to fill an empty room - but..]
I. Wow. I can't. [He doesn't mean for it to come out like that, and it shows in how he grimaces and drops his eyes, gives their hands another look and then he's gently trying to slip his hand free, ears coloring. It's kind of a nice thought, that Kinjou does want him there, but he can't.] It would be kind've awkward, I mean. And I'm not leavin Toudou alone in the tower.
[Kinjou makes an odd expression, almost discomfort at the immediate "I can't", but he doesn't take the response to heart and lets Arakita continue, lets him pull his hand away even though he would have liked the contact to remain. However he listens, then gives a soft sigh as he nods his head.]
I wish you didn't feel that way, but I understand. [As much as he'd like to be able to have the two of them with him, he won't try to change Arakita's mind. It wouldn't be right to make him decide on something he wasn't comfortable with, and he does have a point about Toudou ending up eing alone in the tower. He likes that answer. It's considerate, it shows how much he cares about Toudou, and he really does deserve someone here with him.]
I'll respect your decision. I would still like to see you as often as I can. You're welcome to come by whenever you'd like. [He hopes he visits, he hopes he can still stay close to Arakita, he hopes this doesn't change what they have.
Kinjou begins to reach into his pocket for something.]
There was one last thing I wanted to talk about. There's something I wanted to give you.
[He knows he's somewhat asked this before, but when he looks up again, watching Kinjou fish into his pocket, Arakita almost wants to stop him, wants to make him wait before he gives him gifts that he doesn't know if he can even accept at this point.]
Kinjou, why do you wanna see me so often, 'm not - [The words die out a little in his mouth with how he tries to phrase his thought, even if part of him doesn't want to go down this route - he knows he's with Makishima, he can smell it without needing to learn more details. It's obviously a somewhat open relationship because of the nature of Amoi, but.]
I'm not tryin to say I don't want to see you though. [Ngh. He can't even convey his thoughts, so in the end, he doesn't try to stop him from taking out whatever it is Kinjou is digging for. He just scrubs his own face and looks up with this reluctant little look because now that he's getting more of a glance around - he sees the boxes.]
[Kinjou's hand stills in his pocket. The question doesn't hurt, he understands where it's coming from, and yet he wishes Arakita didn't feel like it needed to be asked. He wished he wouldn't say it like he can't understand why Kinjou feels this way about him- why anyone would feel this way about him.]
I'm sorry, but I can't explain as much as I would like to. I don't want to hurt you the way I did before. [When he accidentally spoiled the results of the Interhigh for Arakita, when he ruined his experience of the last major race he'd have in high school, teared down the hope and faith he had in Fukutomi keeping Hakone's title as kings. Kinjou still regrets the whole thing, still wishes he'd never said anything at all, but there's nothing he can do about it except to try not to ever hurt Arakita that way again. Even if he wants to tell him all the things he now knows from going home, how close they've become, how they're part of a team, how he's as much a part of him as Sohoku was, that he's just as important as Makishima is to him now.
It would probably break him, knowing that he doesn't follow Fukutomi to Meisou. He can't let that happen. Arakita means too much to him. Kinjou takes his free hand and settles it on Arakita's cheek, trying to pull him away from looking around at the living room, at the boxes scattered around as he prepares for his move.]
Please trust me in that I feel closer to you than I think I ever was before. Being with you makes me happy. I know that must sound selfish of me to say... [Because he has Makishima, because he shouldn't want anything more, but he does and he can't lie to himself about it.] But it's the truth.
You haven't hurt me in some way you haven't already apologized for.
[Arakita's gaze was still lingering on boxes around them, even as he says that, but Kinjou's hand is already reaching to guide him back and it's still hard to really wrap his mind around just what Kinjou is saying. Going quiet to simply watch him, to give this wry sort of smile even as he finally meets Kinjou's eye, Arakita reaches up to neatly pat that hand holding his cheek.]
I just don't get it then. What you get from me that you can't get from someone else. I don't think it's selfish to be honest, I'm just. Stuck, maybe. I don't get the 'me' aspect of what you're wantin.
Are you asking why it's you because you wish for an explanation? Or are you asking this because you don't feel worthy enough? You don't feel as if you are the right person for me, in any way?
[He has a feeling this isn't about wanting clarification for his feelings. No, he knows Arakita better than this by now. He doesn't think he wants to really know "why me". What he wants to know is, "What is it about me that I don't see that you do?"
What is it in Arakita that anyone could see, that would make them want him this much.]
If I were content with anyone else, I wouldn't be here with you. [He'd be with Makishima right now and not with Arakita, he would have kept this as a simple phone conversation or text message, he wouldn't have tried to ask him to live with them. He wouldn't be looking at him as if he really wanted to just kiss him so he stops doubting his worth.]
You already know what I see in you, what my opinion of you is. None of that has changed. What I see in you is not someone else. Someone else isn't you.
[Kinjou leans in, rests his forehead against Arakita's. He looks the same as he always does, as he remembers him from back home, but its been months since he's been able to hold him, since he's been able to touch him, since he's been able to look into his eyes and see the features of his lashes this close, every detail of his face, the scent of his hair, the way he feels. His fierce determination, his fiery attitude, his sweet tooth and love of Bepsi, the way he adores cats but hates to admit it, how he follows beside him so well on the roads like he's always been with him. He always wants him there, with him.
He's missed him. He really, really wants this. He wants him. He shouldn't... but he does.]
Arakita Yasutomo. That is who you are. That is the person I feel this way for. It isn't "why", it's "because". Because it's you.
[Kinjou hit the nail on the head about that second question, and as much as Arakita tries to not make it so obvious, it still shows in the almost wince in his expression. He's right, he knows he has a point with saying he wouldn't be here if he didn't like him, but this all feels a little - Arakita should just let him. He should just let him do as he pleases, but part of him still doesn't understand. Letting him dip in and raising his eyes to meet Kinjou's gaze, Arakita feels his face going hot as he realizing he's being quietly admired.
His mouth actually falls a little open in how he wants to argue against it, he wants to keep saying he doesn't understand - he still doesn't. But he doesn't feel he can, really, and whatever words came to mind before quietly fade out into simply making this soft mumble.]
[There's a quiet, curious stare before Kinjou lets out a huff of a laugh.]
I'm afraid so, yes. [He doesn't know if that's starting to become a problem, what with the way Arakita reacts to it, how Makishima always seems to fluster up the same way. Maybe he really does need to learn to tone it back just a little.] Makishima always tells me that I am very embarrassing.
[His thumb smooths against Arakita's cheek but he doesn't bridge past that last bit of space between them to kiss him, because he thinks Arakita might not want that right now. That might be too much.]
Do you dislike it?
[Him being this close, him saying these things, probably making his head and heart a mess. He doesn't want to, but he can't help it. Not when Arakita leaves him the exact same way.]
[Arakita knows they're alone, they're in the privacy of Kinjou's (soon to be old) apartment, but he can't help just how flustered and bowled over he feels. Someone actually wants him, whether Arakita understands how he could or not, and the feeling is downright intense. Turning his face to hide it against Kinjou's hand, peeking at him slowly even when he reaches up to keep that hand in place so he's only able to look at him through that gap between finger and thumb, Arakita mumbles even as he quietly kisses his palm.]
No. You are embarrassing as hell though, fuck. So damn sure of what you want.
[Kinjou closes his eyes as if to help give Arakita that privacy, let him regain his senses and not quite feel so exposed even if he has no reason to hide from him.]
I wasn't always like this. [He means his decisiveness, his faith of what he believes and what he wants. There was a time where he couldn't think for himself, where his impulses led him to following the impulsive desire of wanting to please someone, and when they left him he didn't know what to do. He was lost, couldn't find his way, couldn't figure out what to do with himself or if there was even a path for him anymore. But that was his turning point. That was when Kinjou learned that he was a person that didn't give up. He needed to get stronger, he needed to know himself and believe in himself and follow that solid, stone path he'd always remain on. That was how he met Makishima, and Tadokoro. That was how he built Sohoku's team, that was how he made himself who he is now.]
But I prefer things as they are now. This is who I wish to be. It led me to my team. To Makishima. [His eyes slowly open.] It led me to you.
[Kinjou finally pulls his hand free from his pocket, holds it in a fist in his lap.]
[He has to keep Kinjou's other hand to his face, he has to with those words led me to you, because his face utterly burns. His free hand turns though, he just turns it palm side up with his fingers open, leaving it there on his knee in an offering to accept whatever Kinjou is going to give him even if he still feels overwhelmed - he doesn't want to decline any of what he's offering. He doesn't hate it, he likes this feeling.
He does like spending time with Kinjou, whether it's slouching around doing absolutely nothing, or riding together, or talking in general. His presence isn't the solid stone he always took simple comfort from before, he isn't a reminder or a replacement for Fukutomi - they're very different people with a similar comfort level, for Arakita. This is along the lines of admitting to himself that yes, he does want a relationship like this with Fukutomi one day, but admitting it any further than to himself in his heart is as far as he'll go; right now, he's also admitting that he wants to see where this could go with Kinjou.
So he gently flexes his fingers in a small gimme motion to that closed hand.]
[He watches as Arakita's face burns bright red, he's almost worried about all the blood that must be rushing to his head, but he gives him an apologetic kiss to his chin before leaning his head back and offering him space to breathe. He keeps his hand against Arakita's cheek, keeps that single hint of contact as his fist settles in Arakita's open palm and his fingers unfurl, dropping something hard yet warm from his grip into Arakita's hand.
When he pulls away, there is a silver circular tag there, the sort you'd use for a pet's collar. There's no decoration on the visible side, no engravings or anything of the sort, just untouched silver. Then Kinjou reaches back in to flip it over. On the other side, right in the very center in a small, simple font, is the engraving of his first name. Yasutomo.]
[Letting his gaze finally turn down to look at what Kinjou has put into his hand, Arakita lifts it to look at it closer, carefully turning it in simple inspection - this way and that and his gaze focuses on that simple engraving. He really did it, he really did get a dog tag. It's not just a symbol of the collar play they do, it isn't just something to add to it, it's ... an offering. Smoothing his thumb over it and closing his eyes, breathing in deep, Arakita finally lets Kinjou's hand drop from where he had been hiding against it and leans in, if only to give him a solid, simple kiss on the mouth.]
[Kinjou swears he must have been holding his breath, because the second he can hear Arakita's answer he ends up sucking in a deep breath and leaning back in to return the kiss in full. And it hits him there.
He might be in love with Arakita.
No, he's sure of it. He does. He's actually in love with him. And he doesn't know if now is the right time to tell him. Kinjou pulls back, gazes at Arakita with the utmost fondness as he murmurs quietly.]
You mean very much to me. I want you to know this. [Not just as some sort of pet, not just as someone he can go to when he needs an escape, when he wants someone to dote on and who will listen to his every want and need and command. No, that's not what defines Arakita in his life. What he loves isn't just all those things, it's him. Everything he knows about him, his personality, his emotions, the way he caries himself, the way he trusts him, the way they've gotten so close and understand each other so well. Arakita himself, everything about him. He loves it all.]
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ninetydegrees
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on 2016-07-11 05:39 am (UTC)Their relationship... Kinjou twines his fingers through Arakita's hair before he drops his hand and pulls it away, looks him straight in the eyes. Arakita noticed. He has to explain, and there's only one thing he can really think of to say first.]
I think I went home. In fact, I'm very sure that I did.
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on 2016-07-11 09:31 pm (UTC)Why'd you come back, it's better at home. [Okay, he'd probably be upset if Kinjou disappeared and stayed disappeared, but. It'd be better, wouldn't it? If none of them were here. That also doesn't exactly explain the various scents and the one sticking out like a sore thumb the most.]
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on 2016-07-11 10:51 pm (UTC)[He's going to refrain from mentioning whether he wanted to stay or not, and if Arakita asks, he won't answer. That's not a question he wants to hear right now. That's not what he wants to talk about.]
I remember various things, quite a few. Things I did. They were real. And then the next moment I was here in the apartment, in bed. I was wearing different clothes. [He brings a hand up to pat over his chest, smoothing over the shirt he's wearing now.]
It hadn't even passed a minute, but it felt as if I went through a few months of time. I graduated. I was in college.
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on 2016-07-11 10:55 pm (UTC)... Haah. Congrats then, for college. So you just wanted to let me know you'd learned some new stuff? [No, he doesn't know yet just why Kinjou wanted to talk to him so imminently, but he wonders if it does have to do with his own scent on that shirt he knows he's never seen before.]
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on 2016-07-11 11:03 pm (UTC)[And Kinjou doesn't say anything further. He'd like to tell Arakita, that he's in college with him, that they're a part of a team, that he sees him as far more than he initially did. That he thinks of him as more than just a simple friend now. That he thinks.... there might be something else here, between the two of them. Now that he's gone back and learned things, now that he understands Arakita more, now that he's worked with him and been by his side as a pair, as a duo.
Kinjou takes Arakita by the hand, then turns, wanting to lead him out of the communication room and down the hall, hoping he'll follow.] Come with me. We should sit.
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on 2016-07-11 11:14 pm (UTC)Yeah, alright.
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on 2016-07-11 11:22 pm (UTC)He hopes he hasn't upset Arakita.
Once they reach the living room Kinjou pulls them to the couch and then takes a seat, tugging Arakita so he can sit right next to him, though he doesn't let go of his hand.]
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on 2016-07-11 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2016-07-11 11:48 pm (UTC)Makishima is moving. He was given a new apartment in the Central Sector of Tanagura. He invited me to live with him, and I accepted.
[He squeezes Arakita's hand.]
Would you like to live with us?
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on 2016-07-11 11:53 pm (UTC)Ha?
[No, hold on. Looking from his hand back up to Kinjou, just giving him this look of complete bafflement - this isn't what Arakita thought this talk was going to be about.]
Wait, what? Why me?
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on 2016-07-12 12:11 am (UTC)Because I would like to be able to live with both of you. [Because something didn't sit well with him in regards to the thought of leaving Arakita behind, no longer having a place of his own to invite him over to, that it'd be just a little more difficult to spend time with him and see him. He thought that he might feel abandoned or ignored, replaced, was worried that Arakita would think he was being left behind for someone else.
He cares for Arakita so much. He has so many different feelings for him, and when he'd spoken to Makishima about the idea, he wasn't opposed.]
Makishima didn't wish to ask Toudou to live with us, and Tadokoro has a pet of his own that we wouldn't have room for. It would be three rooms, one for each of us, which would leave one available.
[But this isn't about filling up an empty room, this isn't just about taking Arakita into the house because he feels like he's obligated to just because of the arrangements he has.]
I would like for you to be there, Arakita.
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on 2016-07-12 02:05 am (UTC)I. Wow. I can't. [He doesn't mean for it to come out like that, and it shows in how he grimaces and drops his eyes, gives their hands another look and then he's gently trying to slip his hand free, ears coloring. It's kind of a nice thought, that Kinjou does want him there, but he can't.] It would be kind've awkward, I mean. And I'm not leavin Toudou alone in the tower.
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on 2016-07-12 04:16 am (UTC)I wish you didn't feel that way, but I understand. [As much as he'd like to be able to have the two of them with him, he won't try to change Arakita's mind. It wouldn't be right to make him decide on something he wasn't comfortable with, and he does have a point about Toudou ending up eing alone in the tower. He likes that answer. It's considerate, it shows how much he cares about Toudou, and he really does deserve someone here with him.]
I'll respect your decision. I would still like to see you as often as I can. You're welcome to come by whenever you'd like. [He hopes he visits, he hopes he can still stay close to Arakita, he hopes this doesn't change what they have.
Kinjou begins to reach into his pocket for something.]
There was one last thing I wanted to talk about. There's something I wanted to give you.
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on 2016-07-13 12:17 am (UTC)[He knows he's somewhat asked this before, but when he looks up again, watching Kinjou fish into his pocket, Arakita almost wants to stop him, wants to make him wait before he gives him gifts that he doesn't know if he can even accept at this point.]
Kinjou, why do you wanna see me so often, 'm not - [The words die out a little in his mouth with how he tries to phrase his thought, even if part of him doesn't want to go down this route - he knows he's with Makishima, he can smell it without needing to learn more details. It's obviously a somewhat open relationship because of the nature of Amoi, but.]
I'm not tryin to say I don't want to see you though. [Ngh. He can't even convey his thoughts, so in the end, he doesn't try to stop him from taking out whatever it is Kinjou is digging for. He just scrubs his own face and looks up with this reluctant little look because now that he's getting more of a glance around - he sees the boxes.]
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on 2016-07-13 12:40 am (UTC)I'm sorry, but I can't explain as much as I would like to. I don't want to hurt you the way I did before. [When he accidentally spoiled the results of the Interhigh for Arakita, when he ruined his experience of the last major race he'd have in high school, teared down the hope and faith he had in Fukutomi keeping Hakone's title as kings. Kinjou still regrets the whole thing, still wishes he'd never said anything at all, but there's nothing he can do about it except to try not to ever hurt Arakita that way again. Even if he wants to tell him all the things he now knows from going home, how close they've become, how they're part of a team, how he's as much a part of him as Sohoku was, that he's just as important as Makishima is to him now.
It would probably break him, knowing that he doesn't follow Fukutomi to Meisou. He can't let that happen. Arakita means too much to him. Kinjou takes his free hand and settles it on Arakita's cheek, trying to pull him away from looking around at the living room, at the boxes scattered around as he prepares for his move.]
Please trust me in that I feel closer to you than I think I ever was before. Being with you makes me happy. I know that must sound selfish of me to say... [Because he has Makishima, because he shouldn't want anything more, but he does and he can't lie to himself about it.] But it's the truth.
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on 2016-07-13 01:48 am (UTC)[Arakita's gaze was still lingering on boxes around them, even as he says that, but Kinjou's hand is already reaching to guide him back and it's still hard to really wrap his mind around just what Kinjou is saying. Going quiet to simply watch him, to give this wry sort of smile even as he finally meets Kinjou's eye, Arakita reaches up to neatly pat that hand holding his cheek.]
I just don't get it then. What you get from me that you can't get from someone else. I don't think it's selfish to be honest, I'm just. Stuck, maybe. I don't get the 'me' aspect of what you're wantin.
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on 2016-07-13 05:58 am (UTC)[He has a feeling this isn't about wanting clarification for his feelings. No, he knows Arakita better than this by now. He doesn't think he wants to really know "why me". What he wants to know is, "What is it about me that I don't see that you do?"
What is it in Arakita that anyone could see, that would make them want him this much.]
If I were content with anyone else, I wouldn't be here with you. [He'd be with Makishima right now and not with Arakita, he would have kept this as a simple phone conversation or text message, he wouldn't have tried to ask him to live with them. He wouldn't be looking at him as if he really wanted to just kiss him so he stops doubting his worth.]
You already know what I see in you, what my opinion of you is. None of that has changed. What I see in you is not someone else. Someone else isn't you.
[Kinjou leans in, rests his forehead against Arakita's. He looks the same as he always does, as he remembers him from back home, but its been months since he's been able to hold him, since he's been able to touch him, since he's been able to look into his eyes and see the features of his lashes this close, every detail of his face, the scent of his hair, the way he feels. His fierce determination, his fiery attitude, his sweet tooth and love of Bepsi, the way he adores cats but hates to admit it, how he follows beside him so well on the roads like he's always been with him. He always wants him there, with him.
He's missed him. He really, really wants this. He wants him. He shouldn't... but he does.]
Arakita Yasutomo. That is who you are. That is the person I feel this way for. It isn't "why", it's "because". Because it's you.
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on 2016-07-14 09:46 pm (UTC)His mouth actually falls a little open in how he wants to argue against it, he wants to keep saying he doesn't understand - he still doesn't. But he doesn't feel he can, really, and whatever words came to mind before quietly fade out into simply making this soft mumble.]
Kin-chan, you're damn gushy, aren't you.
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on 2016-07-15 02:32 am (UTC)I'm afraid so, yes. [He doesn't know if that's starting to become a problem, what with the way Arakita reacts to it, how Makishima always seems to fluster up the same way. Maybe he really does need to learn to tone it back just a little.] Makishima always tells me that I am very embarrassing.
[His thumb smooths against Arakita's cheek but he doesn't bridge past that last bit of space between them to kiss him, because he thinks Arakita might not want that right now. That might be too much.]
Do you dislike it?
[Him being this close, him saying these things, probably making his head and heart a mess. He doesn't want to, but he can't help it. Not when Arakita leaves him the exact same way.]
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on 2016-07-15 02:48 am (UTC)No. You are embarrassing as hell though, fuck. So damn sure of what you want.
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on 2016-07-15 04:52 am (UTC)I wasn't always like this. [He means his decisiveness, his faith of what he believes and what he wants. There was a time where he couldn't think for himself, where his impulses led him to following the impulsive desire of wanting to please someone, and when they left him he didn't know what to do. He was lost, couldn't find his way, couldn't figure out what to do with himself or if there was even a path for him anymore. But that was his turning point. That was when Kinjou learned that he was a person that didn't give up. He needed to get stronger, he needed to know himself and believe in himself and follow that solid, stone path he'd always remain on. That was how he met Makishima, and Tadokoro. That was how he built Sohoku's team, that was how he made himself who he is now.]
But I prefer things as they are now. This is who I wish to be. It led me to my team. To Makishima. [His eyes slowly open.] It led me to you.
[Kinjou finally pulls his hand free from his pocket, holds it in a fist in his lap.]
Arakita, will you give me your hand?
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on 2016-07-15 05:10 am (UTC)He does like spending time with Kinjou, whether it's slouching around doing absolutely nothing, or riding together, or talking in general. His presence isn't the solid stone he always took simple comfort from before, he isn't a reminder or a replacement for Fukutomi - they're very different people with a similar comfort level, for Arakita. This is along the lines of admitting to himself that yes, he does want a relationship like this with Fukutomi one day, but admitting it any further than to himself in his heart is as far as he'll go; right now, he's also admitting that he wants to see where this could go with Kinjou.
So he gently flexes his fingers in a small gimme motion to that closed hand.]
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on 2016-07-15 06:24 am (UTC)When he pulls away, there is a silver circular tag there, the sort you'd use for a pet's collar. There's no decoration on the visible side, no engravings or anything of the sort, just untouched silver. Then Kinjou reaches back in to flip it over. On the other side, right in the very center in a small, simple font, is the engraving of his first name. Yasutomo.]
You don't have to keep it. Only if you'd like to.
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on 2016-07-15 06:29 pm (UTC)'m keepin it. I wanna see how it looks on.
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on 2016-07-16 06:19 am (UTC)He might be in love with Arakita.
No, he's sure of it. He does. He's actually in love with him. And he doesn't know if now is the right time to tell him. Kinjou pulls back, gazes at Arakita with the utmost fondness as he murmurs quietly.]
You mean very much to me. I want you to know this. [Not just as some sort of pet, not just as someone he can go to when he needs an escape, when he wants someone to dote on and who will listen to his every want and need and command. No, that's not what defines Arakita in his life. What he loves isn't just all those things, it's him. Everything he knows about him, his personality, his emotions, the way he caries himself, the way he trusts him, the way they've gotten so close and understand each other so well. Arakita himself, everything about him. He loves it all.]
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